Did you know that dating scams have the highest financial losses of all internet related crimes? Last year the reported losses totalled more than £230 million dollars, but because of the embarrassment and psychological damage that comes with this type of crime, the actual number is estimated to be much higher.
The FBI believes that only about 15 percent of the victims come forward, either because of the hurtful nature of the crime, or because they don’t even realize they’ve been scammed. Even with so few victims reporting the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Centre received 15,000 complaints last year alone. If 15000 is only about 15 percent, just imagine how many people are suffering in silence, having been financially and psychologically damaged by this horrible crime.
Unfortunately, these scammers are rarely caught. They use fake profiles on dating sites and even Facebook. With the nature of technology in the present time, the internet allows them to be hundreds of miles away from their victims. Many times they are overseas, safe from retribution behind their avatars.
So how does it work? And how can you recognize if you are being scammed?
Internet scammers spend months creating relationships online with their victims. They allow their victims to believe they have a very real relationship, promising love and sometimes marriage. While in reality these are premeditated, organized crimes, and they steal millions to billions of dollars every year.
Once they have a supposedly loving and very trusting relationship with you, they pretend to be in a crisis and ask for money. The unsuspecting victims often empty bank accounts to help. Other times they may blackmail you into sending them the money. Through the course of the relationship they gather compromising information, commonly videos of masturbation.
All the stories of these crimes are similar. Watch for these actions in an online significant other. The scammer finds a vulnerable person online and the victim is identified. They create a fictional relationship.
Then they ask for a small amount of money. This is to test the waters and make sure their victim is under their control. Soon after your “sweetheart” will create an elaborate story of a crisis and ask for a much larger sum.
Often they promise to repay, a promise which of course is never fulfilled. They then continue to ask for money until the victim realizes that they are being scammed or they are bled dry. Victims have been known to lose their savings or homes to these scams. The scammers steal millions each year with impunity.
If you notice red flags or your online significant other begins to ask for money, you may be the victim of a scam. Cut off contact or proceed with extreme caution. Red flags include refusing or cancelling face-to-face meetings, asking for compromising videos, unrealistic profile pictures, and of course the most obvious, asking for money. Be wary when pursuing an online relationship. There are far too many sad stories of lonely people being hurt by these crimes.
Are you more at risk? Who is most likely to be the victim of an internet scam?
According to the data of the FBI, 82 percent are men over 50. And of the different demographics that are scammed these men are also defrauded out of the most money. There is a profile that most of these men fit. Be careful if you recognize yourself in any of these.
You believe everything you read: When you see unrealistic profile photos you don’t question that they may be using model photos to woo you. Minor details are ignored. And you don’t worry about being scammed.
Even if they seem like a nice person and especially if they start to mean a lot to you very quickly a healthy amount of scepticism is important to avoid being hurt and scammed. If they are in a crisis or need money you don’t question it before sending it to them. And if your online significant other asks for compromising videos you send them. After all, they promised not to show anyone.
You are disconnecting and not living in reality: There are multiple red flags all over your relationship with this person and you don’t notice or don’t care. You still want to continue contact despite them. Every problem can be explained away. Even if they don’t show interest.
You are sending money to someone you met online and you are embarrassed to tell friends and family: If this is you, you are definitely being scammed. Even if it’s just small amounts of money, this will spiral out of control. These women and men who are trying to scam you use your emotions against you. Your embarrassment is a weapon to them. So are your feelings for them. It keeps them in control of you.
Why are these “relationships” so powerful?
In her 2008 book, Truth, Lies and Trust on the Internet, psychologist Monica Whitty states “What happens is, you can see the written text and read it over and over again, and that makes it stronger,” She focuses on how cyber technology affect us. She goes on to explain that these computer based relationships “can be ‘hyperpersonal’ — more strong and intimate than physical relationships.” because of this.
Because of the ability to create the perfect profile, they control how they present themselves. These avatars are personalized specifically for you, to create a perfect relationship. Through this they gain more trust and intimacy then a real life, face-to-face relationship.
What to do if think you are being scammed
Tell your family or trusted in-person friend! Especially if you are embarrassed. You are too close to the situation to see clearly, and they are using that to control you. A different perspective can help break their hold over you. Remember, no matter what you feel for them, they do not feel the same way. Do not wait until you’ve lost everything.
If you are unsure if you are being scammed demand an in-person meeting. If they decline, offer excuses or cancel later you need to rethink your relationship with them. “Refusing to meet in-person is a big red flag, do not ignore it!”, Kate El, a practicing psychologist and professional matchmaker at Best-Matchmaking.com, recommends to everybody who is looking for their love online, especially on International dating sites.
Romantic scamming is stealing. Even if you give the money willingly they are obtaining it under false pretences. Homes, savings and millions of dollars are lost every year. Don’t let this be you. Never send money to someone online. No matter who you think they are or how badly they say they need it. If you have not met the person offline, they are most likely a far away scammer trying to steal from you.
